Sharing Reading with Our Children-Genesis Alpha

Josh worships his older brother, Max.  They look alike, and sound alike; they even have the same interests, including their favorite online role-playing game, Genesis Alpha.  But Josh and Max have a much deeper connection-because Josh was born for a reason.  When Max was very ill with cancer, it was Josh’s stem cells, harvested before he was born, that saved Max’s life.  Then, suddenly everything changes.  Right in the middle of a game of Genesis Alpha, Max is arrested for the brutal murder of a young girl.  As his family is flung into turmoil, Josh desperately tries to reconcile the brother he knows and loves with the monster they are talking about on television.

This is the introduction to Genesis Alpha; an introduction that made me pick up this book to read.  The story is ultimately about the struggle between good and evil, science and morality, and the love of a family.  As I read this book I also came across; the story of two brothers struggling with the truth and one is gaining his identity.  The question answered in this book is Can two brothers with similar traits and characteristics be different?  The answer is yes especially when one brother takes steps to be an individual.  I shared this story with my son not just because it was a good story, but also because of the message inside.  I also wanted to see what he came away with from the story, since he sometimes struggles with his identity.  I am happy to say that his assessment of the story fit mine, but he also commented that the story was about friendship.  Josh’s friendship; with his brother and his friendship with his brother’s victim’s sister and how they both deal with their loss. 

Genesis Alpha is the debut book by Rune Michaels.  It is a great read that delves into the soul of a killer and looks at the family that loves him.  It shows the struggle that a family can go through when one of its own turns out to be more than what they show.  Both parents go through different stages; disbelief, anger, grief and finally quiet acceptance.  Not acceptance of what their son had done, but acceptance that there was nothing they could do to change it.  Is it something they did?  Could they have prevented a young girl’s death?

It is all the scenarios that compile Genesis Alpha that I recommend this book to read.  My only complaint with this book was the ending.  I felt after all the excitement of leading up to the ending the ending was dry and flat.  It leaves the reader with too many questions

It is often good for us as parents to share the reading experience with our kids and get them to share their thoughts with us.  This is a way for us to spend time with them, but to also see if they grasp the meaning of the story they read.  Reading and Reading Comprehension are two different things; often we can read a story without fully understanding its meaning.  Understanding of what we read is essential for our day to day living, and understanding of what we see and read help to educate us.  I recommend that as parents we bond with our children over a good book while sharing different stories and adventures.

Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.  As parents, caregivers and loved ones we need to take this time to educate ourselves and our children.  We have to take the time to delve into the many resources that are available to us and find information to educate ourselves on the topic.  We need to be aware of the signs and symptoms and where to get the help needed.  As parents; we are our children’s voice and protectors and we set the tone and can make a difference.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics more than 2.5 million cases of child abuse and neglect are reported each year.  Thirty five percent (35%) involve physical abuse, 15% involve sexual abuse, and 50% involve neglect.

Most child abuse occurs within the family and is often instigated by family members, relatives, or friends of the family.  Neglect often happens in families living in poverty or among parents who are teenagers or are drug or alcohol abusers.  Many people are not aware of the resources available  to them to help in those difficult times; therefore, they do not seek out the help needed.  Many government and private agencies have programs to help families that find themselves struggling financially.  It is these agencies and the help provided that will make the difference in some of the abuse circumstances.

Child abusers are often people who have experienced a form of abuse themselves.  There has been an increase in child abuse outside the home, but the home remains the highest place for child abuse to occur.  There is no child immune to child abuse; child abuse happens to boys and girls of all races, ethnicity, and social class.  Children of all ages experience abuse and neglect; and all children are vulnerable to the effects of child abuse.

Different Forms of Abuse

Sexual abuse is any sexual activity that a child cannot comprehend or consent to.  It includes acts such as fondling, oral-genital contact, and genital and anal intercourse, as well as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and exposure to pornography.

Physical abuse involves purposely injuring a child’s body.  This could include bruising, burns, bone injury, head injury, and injury to an internal organ.  Since a bruise indicates that body tissue has been damaged and blood vessels have broken, any discipline method that leaves bruises is by definition physical abuse.

Child neglect can include physical neglect (withholding food, clothing, shelter, or other physical necessities), emotional neglect (withholding love, comfort, or affection), or medical neglect (withholding needed medical care).

Psychological abuse results from all of the above, but also can be associated with verbal abuse.

The first step to helping abused or neglected children is to recognize the signs of abuse.  This is not always easy to recognize, since children that are neglected or abuse will not be open to sharing this information with anyone.  They believe that no-one will believe them or will blame them for what happened, or simply the person doing the abusing is someone close to them.  Children will be withdrawn and turn away from anyone trying to reach to them.  Parents tend to overlook symptoms, because they do not want to see the truth.  Children who are abused need treatment as soon as possible.  The longer a child is left to deal with the abuse on their own the less likely they will recover from the abuse.

Recognizing Signs of Child Abuse

These signs may signal the existence of child abuse

      Changes in behavior at home and at school – may show signs of depression

      Is passive, withdrawn, and often seeks to be alone

      Always watchful and jumpy - seems constantly afraid of something happening

      Has difficulty concentratings- shows no signs of physiological causes

      Does not enjoy being at home seeks reasons to be outside the home

      Does not exhibit emotional attachment to parent(s) or caregivers

      Unexplained bruises to the body

The parent(s) or caregiver may also show signs during the abuse.  They may also seem withdrawn from the child, and show little or no interest in the child’s behavior or welfare.

Recognizing Signs of Sexual Abuse

These signs may signal sexual abuse in the child

      Demonstrates any unusual or adult knowledge of sexual behavior

      May show physical changes in behavior - like walking, sitting, bruising in genital area

      May have difficulty sleeping

      Changes in behavior at home or school - shows signs of depression

      Shows changes in behavior; often times withdrawn or angry

      Reports sexual abuse by parent(s) or caregiver

The Parent also shows signs during the sexual abuse.  They are often protective of the child, may not wish child around others especially the opposite sex.  Very controlling with the child and may show signs of jealousy.

As a parent you are your child’s hope of getting treatment.  You have to seek treatment immediately f you feel your child has been abused.  Denying the situation will not help your child recover.  Your child’s safety and welfare is the main priority; removing them from the harmful environment is your primary goal.  If your child has been abused a qualified mental health professional can help give them the closure they need.  As the parent it is also important to get some professional help also.  In times like this it is important as a family to come together in order to overcome the effects of abuse.  Child abuse and neglect affect everyone involved and can take many years to overcome, but in the end it will be love and strength that will give salvation.

Where to Get Help and Report Abuse

To get help in the US

      1-800- 4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline

To get help for sexual abuse

      1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Stop It Now

      1-800-656-HOPE Rape Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)

The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician and/or psychiatrist or psychologist.  There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

Noah’s Ark Bookstore is an online children’s bookstore,  we offers fiction and non-fiction books for ages 0-17.  We have online storytelling where kids can watch our stories come to life.  Have your child join our book club and share in the joys of reading with peers. 

Shop today at www.noahsarkbooks.com

Food for Thought: Do We Need Food for our Mind as much as Food for Our Body?

Are Books a Necessity?

I just finished reading The Devil’s Arithmetic by Jane Yolen.  The story centered on “A young girl who goes back in time to her family, and ends up with them in a concentration camp”.  I enjoyed this book immensely and thought it would be beneficial for my son to read the story.  I gave him the book letting him know how good the book was, and told him I wanted him to share his thoughts on it.

We spent the last two weeks going over the book together, and it was as good as reading the book.  I enjoyed the discussion with him and hearing his thoughts and feelings concerning the book.  I realized he was enjoying our discussions as much as I was.  At the end of our discussions he asked me to give him another book I read and liked.  We now share books and spend some time talking about them.

We go back to the question Are Books a Necessity?  My answer to the question is yes!  We need literature; to help feed our mind and increase our knowledge of past issues, current issues, and new issues.  The written word is what helped us follow our ancestors, learn about ancient times, and discover what made us who we are today.  Even the cave men wrote about their lives for their ancestors to see and follow.  The Egyptians left behind the written word on many scrolls, which passed down their knowledge through time.  If we have limited knowledge of our world, we have a very small capability of learning more about it.  Without the knowledge of the past our existence would only be partial; we would not have some of the ideals that make society today.  Along with knowledge comes understanding; without understanding we have no true ideas or thoughts.

Part of the problem we face today, is that the thirst for knowledge is not embraced by many of our children.  Reading is not focused on as the watching the television is and many of our young students can’t read or comprehend what they read.  We learn by connecting our past lessons with current lessons.  Reading is not something we are given at birth, it has to be taught and unfortunately our children are not being given this fundamental skill.  About; “4o percent of American fourth graders can’t read at grade level”.  Also imagine that statistically male readers are behind in reading compared to girls.  According to the Progress in International Reading Literacy Study (PIRLS) in 2001, fourth-grade girls in all of the 30-plus participating countries scored higher in reading literacy than fourth-grade boys by a statistically significant amount. Similar findings show up in the U.S. 

How do we get our children to read?  We need more adult role models to encourage our children to read.  It is important to know that just as our body needs food to survive and function, our mind needs knowledge to grow, to learn, and to develop.  If we went without food or water for a few days our body would start to break down.  We would not have energy for movement; also we would not be able to think.  Likewise, if we do not feed our mind; it starts to regress until we no longer care to increase our knowledge. Think of it; if we gave up seeking knowledge completely what would our life be like?

For some it would be empty for others it would be normal.  How would it be for you?  Some of us live in a world of ignorance and go through our entire life not realizing how much we are missing.  We should not want our children to live in this kind of world.  After spending time with my son reading, I was reminded that books and reading is necessary for mental growth.  We need to feed our minds as well as our bodies.  Listening to my son as he discussed the books we read and hearing his thoughts on them was inspirational.  I realized through my encouragement that he was growing in his reading comprehension.  This is a skill he will need in school and in his adult life when he enters the work force or owns his business.

Remember the time when we had no television, no computers, and no video games to entertain us.  We relied on stories and our imagination to take us to faraway places.  As a society we have lost the passion and skill of reading.  Reading offers us a chance to increase our vocabulary, cognitive skills, and word power.  Children who read at an early age have a higher level of vocabulary skills, mental development, phonics, and conversational skills.

Reading has no high price tag attached to it.  You do not need to cash in bonds or dip into your savings to accomplish the skill of reading.  How much money did you spend on their last outfit or video game?  The cost of a few books is a small one for what you and your child will gain.  Parents who read to their children develop a closer and lasting relationship with them.  Children who read at a young age will grow into reading adults.  What is most important to us a parent? How successful our children are or are they wearing the latest fashions? Find time to help in the education of your children, it can only bring them a better future.

A few tips for Parents

ü  Show your children the importance of reading by letting them see you read.

ü  Take your children to the library or a bookstore.

ü  Talk to them about a book you read as a child and recommend they read it.

ü  Share a book with them and talk about the book.

ü  Read and discuss assigned school reading with them.

ü  Find storylines that they enjoy and purchase books pertaining to them.

ü  Encourage them to join a book club.

ü  Let them browse a bookstore website to find books that interest them.

ü  Openly discuss the importance of reading.

ü  Give them a monthly book allowance.

ü  Set aside reading time weekly.

ü  Take time and read to your child instead of turning on the television.

ü  Bring along books to read when they travel.

ü  Open them up to all different types of books- there’s no reason they can’t read a book where the character is in a wheelchair or from a different culture.

ü  If they have trouble reading-get them help early.

The written word is the building block of our society.  We use it to communicate and to tell our stories.  We pass writing and books down through history, and we use it to educate ourselves.  Even with the importance it has we are losing the written word.  We turn to technology to give us our information and knowledge.  Technology is very good for us to embrace and it helps us bond internationally.  Let us not lose touch with history; our ancestors had no computers or modern technology to build societies.  They used the written word, and civilization evolved just as good.  What if all we had were books to entertain us? It is sad to say that some of us would not survive and die of ignorance.  Reading and the knowledge from reading are our salvation from ignorance.

Noah’s Ark Bookstore is an online children’s bookstore,  we offers fiction and non-fiction books for ages 0-17.  We have online storytelling where kids can watch our stories come to life.  Have your child join our book club and share in the joys of reading with peers. 

Shop today at www.noahsarkbooks.com

Patricia Warner representing Noah\’s Ark Bookstore reading to a class at Block Institute at Read Across America Day.

The Journey to Educational Enlightenment

In a few of my blogs; I spoke extensively about the education of our youth and our role in educating them inside the home through reading.  I also spoke briefly on the No Child Left Behind program and the phasing out of some schools.

Unfortunately for me the last two things have hit close to home.  I recently received a letter stating that my son’s school is phasing out in two years, and that he is also in danger of not meeting his educational requirements.  In a short formal letter it was explained to me that the school is on the “persistently dangerous” list and has not been performing up to standards for a while.  Key factors in the school closing; was low reading and math proficiency levels.  Over 78% of the students in 44 do not meet the standard for reading on grade level and over 62% of students do not meet the standard for math.  Naturally I had some questions and turned to the school for answers.  What does persistently dangerous mean?  Is my son in physical danger? How could they let the school drop so low?  How can the No Child Left Behind program help?  Is it too late? And what are my options? So many questions ran through my mind and so many concerns plagued me.  At the same time while reading this letter, I hear of Mayor Bloomberg’s talk of firing some teachers for lack of money.  How could this all be happening? Was my first reaction; I also realized I had to take steps to ensure my son success beyond all measures.

Our children cannot be totally held responsible for their lack of good grades, when the school itself has not attained the grades needed to run effectively.  I spoke off-the-record to one of the school administrators who candidly spoke on the inefficiency of the current school year.  She stressed that the students this year were not getting the lesson plans for success.  That many students will not meet the required grades needed to get into competitive high schools, therefore leaving them high school choices that are probably not performing to standards.  We will have high schools full of students that are performing below standards, repeating the cycle that many off of them had in middle school.  In an article in earticlesonline.com, written by Patricia Hawke, she stated “Of the 946 high schools within the New York [City] schools, 228 have been identified as needing improvement under federal and state rules, according to an announcement made in mid-September by the New York schools”.  Of the 946 secondary New York City schools, 653 have grades nine through twelve, with 293 also having grades seven and eight in-house.  Here are the total New York City schools’ standings for its high schools:

• 718 high schools within the New York City schools are in good standing,

• 27 New York City schools are in their first year of needing improvement,

• 20 are in their second year,

• 21 need corrective action,

• 26 New York City schools are in the planning stage of restructuring,

• 13 are in restructuring,

• 32 require academic progress (SRAP), first year,

• 28 are in year two of requiring academic progress, and

• 14 are in year four or more of requiring academic progress.

Three New York City schools within their third year of restructuring and one in year seven of SRAP face possible closing or phasing out, if they do not improve during this school year.  So we find that on all levels our school system is in need of major repairs.  So how can we have talks of getting rid of some of our teachers?  Our law makers have to find a way to save money without hurting our school system which is in badly need of repair.

We have new inexperienced teachers replacing more seasoned teachers who have the tenure to teach our children.  Last year my son had a teacher praised by her peers on how good a teacher she was, not to mention she took interest in her students beyond the classroom time.  She taught my son in math, reading, and over saw the new teacher for the science class, she was a very dedicated teacher and I saw the results in my son’s progression.  This year his teachers are distant, non-communicative, and inexperienced.  In many of his classes the students have the run of the room and the teachers are unable to handle the class.  This might also have to do with the fact that last year his class had 16 students compared to this year’s 26 students.  It would seem that smaller classroom settings are what we need to see that our children succeed academically.  That is why with the phasing out of some schools, they are replacing them with smaller campus like schools.  The hope is that the smaller schools will provide a better opportunity for parents and their children. 

So what happens to a child like my son with a learning disability?  He gets lost and falls further behind because he is already behind and with his failing school he is falling more behind.  How can they help him and what can be done to offset the damage.  This is where my voice needs to be heard until he can have a voice of his own.  In my blog A Parents Voice I wrote “Parents must be treated as partners in deciding the educational plan for their children.  You must ensure that the plan contains all the elements your children needs; you must be an informed and knowledgeable partner; your role is important to the success of your children’s education program.  Throughout the planning process stay informed; do not stay in the background; your role is front and center.  You are the most powerful advocate your children have, so let your voice be heard.”

My plan is to take my fight front and center perhaps even taking on the school system that is failing my son and others.  I have decided to get in touch with a parent advocate; to help me get my son the needed help for him to succeed and to get all the services that he needs.  As I look to the future for what is in store for him, I do not wish ignorance and non-education to play a role in his life.  I have told him that despite the path in which he was born to, he can and should strive to reach higher.  I think it is only fair for him that he is given all the tools needed to succeed.  My role as a mom also has to take on a different role, which entails more involvement in his school.  I am guilty of not taking a more active role in his school; I have not been diligent in making all parent-teacher meetings which held a lot of information.  Would this have stopped his school closing?  No it would not have prevented the closing but I would have been more aware of the current issues in the school.  As I look ahead I see a full journey for my son and myself to make to his reaching educational enlightenment.  This journey will take us through many different phases with the hope that my son will have the doors open for him.

As a parent I can not stand aside and watch as he continues to struggle and get barely passing grades.  With the school system in the current educational crisis, kids like my son will eventually get passed on a sliding scale.  Unfortunately a sliding scale will not help him get into a good High School and eventually a great college.  Our stand has to be now where we can make a change and alter the educational course he is on now.

As I start this journey to educational enlightenment I feel a sense of apprehension.  Will my journey be successful? As I take the steps to start this battle; I know that no matter what I will be fighting for my son and others like him to get everything they need to make them successful.

Noah’s Ark Bookstore is an online children’s bookstore,  we offers fiction and non-fiction books for ages 0-17.  We have online storytelling where kids can watch our stories come to life.  Have your child join our book club and share in the joys of reading with peers. 

Shop today at www.noahsarkbooks.com

The Celebration of Black History

“Freedom is never given: it is won” - A. Philip Randolph

Black History is the celebration of important people and events in the past and future of Blacks.  It is celebrated in the month of February in the United States, while in the United Kingdom it is celebrated in October.

The remembrance was originated in 1926 by historian Carter G. Woodson.  Woodson chose the second week in February because it marked the birthday of two Americans who greatly influenced the lives and social conditions of African Americans:  President Abraham Lincoln and Abolitionist Frederick Douglas.

Part of the aim of black history month was to recognize significant contribution to society made by blacks and how their history is integral to mainstream America.

Some critics contend that Black History month is irrelevant because it is degenerated into a shallow ritual.

Is this the case? Have black society lost the importance of the celebration of black history?

As a society black people cannot afford to lose the importance of their history, history shows the differences between cultures and people.  Our ancestors have fought long and hard to give us basic rights that we must exercise to the fullest.  Each culture has had to endure struggles to survive in this nation.  Many of us are still fighting to overcome a lot of stereotypes associated with race, creed, culture, language, etc.  That is why it is important for us to educate ourselves and our children on understanding who we are as Americans.  We know that we cannot leave it up to the schools or society to educate our children.  The public school curriculum is standard curriculum that does not teach enough about the accomplishments of black people.  Children do not learn of the many black leaders who have contributed to the making of this nation; only a small amount of black history and black leaders are covered; and many mainstream bookstores do not carry books that help our youngsters learn about this very relevant part of American history.  Many items used today in everyday life were invented by Blacks but the majority of people are ignorant of these facts.  If this nation is to grow and remain a world power its entire people must be recognized for their accomplishments.  It is imperative that families pass down their history to the next generation.  Tell your children about their past and the people who have positively influenced change in our ever evolving nation.

Only now with the election of an African American President with a Muslim name are we starting the journey of stepping past the stereotypes.  Americans are smart, classy, educated, ambitious, articulate, and educated.  There are Black families out there that are represented by the “Cosby Show” and have two educated and professional parents.  Blacks should not feed into the long held stereotypes that have plagued them as individuals.  Black children now can see that anything can be achieved if “I Have a Dream”.  Dr Martin Luther King’s message is just as loud and meaningful as it was when he first gave that speech in Washington more than 40 years ago.  This is our time as a nation to rise and shine! Time for us to educate and push our children to reach beyond the unimaginable star excel in school and life because they have the opportunity.  Let them read read read!  It is said we do not read enough and that is why we are losing our way and not gaining educated children to ensure our future.  Our public schools are weighed down with the responsibility of giving equal education to students.  The “No Child Left Behind” was established to make sure that all children are learning and close the racial divide.  Now as a nation we are focusing on the best possible education for all children and ensuring that the school system has accountability.  However; parents cannot leave it up to the schools to take full responsibility and must stress at home the importance of literacy.  Although there are programs to help our children in school, we must remember to do our part at home.

We cannot continue to raise delinquent children.  Our boys must be educated well and taught to be leaders, providers and protectors and our girls should focus on getting a good education and loving themselves.  Self respect is missing in our children today.  Without self respect we disrespect ourselves and others.  We have to instill pride in our children.  I like to refer to this as Self Worth.  If we feel we have worth we will strive to reach our full potential!  If we have self worth; it is easy for us to see that we can achieve success as individuals and break down the racial stereotypes and racial barriers.  Diversity is important for us to achieve what we need as a nation and people; it is what our new President is calling for to achieve equality.  This message is what past leaders in the different communities has long stressed for us.  We need to raise open minded children who will be open minded adults, and help others continue to see that we have more in common than what makes us different.

Noah’s Ark Bookstore is focusing on a diverse community.  Our motto “A Community within a Book Store” speaks to the heart of our intention to make our bookstore as diverse as the global neighborhoods we represent.  Our books are chosen with our motto in mind.  One of our goals is to continuously stress the importance of reading.  We have a book club forum; that focuses on encouraging young readers to share their thoughts and ideas on the books chosen.  I encourage parents to let their children join our book club and partake in discussions with peers.  In the end I believe it is up to us to make the changes in our children’s education by making sure their heritage is taught and preserved.  We do not want to lose our history, and lose what has made us a strong diverse nation.  We still have a lot to learn and to give; so we ensure our children can pass the message on while creating our future leaders.  Each of us has so much to offer; and must not lose sight of what we can give to further enhance our development.

Noah’s Ark Bookstore wishes our readers, especially our African American readers a Happy Black History Month.  We encourage you to explore our site and see the wonderful doors our books can open for you.

We thank everyone for joining us and we invite our readers to share their heritage with us.  Add a comment let us know how you feel.

Here are a few good sites to visit that go further into our history and offer a look at some of our leaders:  www.infoplease.com and www.wikipedia.org/wiki/AfricanAmericanHistory

When Your Child is not a part of the Popular Crowd

Does your child have trouble making friends?  Are they constantly seeking acceptance from others?  Do they complain daily about how the other children treat them?  Are they lonely?

If the answer is yes to any of those questions; there is a possibility that your child might be suffering from peer rejection.  Peer rejection can be very harmful and can contribute to low self esteem.  It is through interaction with others that we develop the ability to share, communicate, deal with anger, and build emotional relationships.  If your child does not develop these social skills, they can gain low self-esteem, go through depression, and even acquire delinquent behavior.

Once a child goes through rejection it is often very difficult for them to gain their footing around others.  They become anti-social and can withdraw further into themselves, and become unsure of how to negotiate socially with others.  This can oftentimes lead to their becoming social outcasts incapable of dealing with others as they grow up.

Self esteem is necessary for leading a productive and happy life.  Recently I wrote about teaching your child about self worth (The Correlation between Bullies and Self Worth) and being comfortable with themselves.  As stated in the previous article “Encouraging your children to believe in their dreams and respecting themselves and others is a priceless gift.  Knowing and believing in yourself gives you power over fear.  Having strong and good self esteem will help them make better choices.  They will not be affected by peer pressure; they will focus on achieving success and on becoming good citizens willing and ready to achieve greatness”.  As we see self worth is very important for our children to face the challenges of acceptance they will encounter as young adults.  Often when a child suffers from self esteem issues they also lack motivation.  Lack of motivation can lead to a loss of interest in social activities, school, and suffer in school work.

Often in school there are different cliques that take over the school social scene.  Our children often look to these groups for acceptance, and strive to be a part of the cool crowd.  What we have to do is explain to our children that even though the cliques look cool, sometimes certain cliques have members suffering from their own need for acceptance.  With the involvement of groups or cliques comes peer pressure.  Pressure to conform can often time lead to destructive behavior, involving themselves in smoking, drinking, drugs, or sex to fit in.  Some cliques are often controlled by one or two members who see themselves as above other members and outsiders.  They enjoy making others feel left out and making fun of those who do not fit their perception of cool.  We have to let our children know the difference between a clique of people who share the same interest (sports, computers, music) and cliques that just use the group to purposely leave others out and make fun of people.

Eventually as parents we have to teach our children about individuality and how important it is to be comfortable with oneself.  As an individual you do not conform to others rules of acceptance but you follow your own rules. You do not feel the need to follow others but you are secure enough to be happy with standing apart. You are capable of being the leader and do not need to follow others to be accepted.  Our role as a caregiver is to teach our children to be comfortable with themselves and seek acceptance only from themselves and loved ones.  To be able to accept yourself with all your flaws is necessary.  Who can truly accept us if we do not accept ourselves?  It is important as a caregiver to speak to your children about peer pressure and rejection.  Oftentimes; children to not open up about not being accepted so it is vital, that we inquire how our children are getting along socially in school.  Open the door for them to voice their concerns and seek advice from you.  Positive relationships with their family will help them develop positive relationships with peers.  Remind them about a few key things

·         Never think negative thoughts about themselves, teach them to look at the positive aspects  and how they outweigh the negative ones

·         Take pride in themselves; accept flaws as flaws and look beyond them to the inner self

·         Let them know they are exceptional as they are, and anyone who cannot see that is not a friend

·         Encourage their individuality remind them of the many great individuals who’ve made history by being themselves

·         Remind them that everyone is not the same and people excel at different things, help them find their perfect gift.

·         Explain the difference between friends and acquaintances

In the end we can help and encourage our children to make good friends.  If there is a particular child that you see is a good friend to your child, set play dates for them as often as you can.  Allow them to have some phone time during the week for a set amount of time.  Make the weekend an adventurous time for everyone to hang out.  It will be very beneficial to your child to have at least one solid friend that may last for a lifetime.  Remember to encourage their self esteem and individuality, and they will be secure making lasting relationship and accepting themselves.

“No one is more blessed than the one who isn’t afraid to dare to be different and accept themselves” Dian Price

Bringing in the New Year

We look to 2009 as the year we want to make changes in our lives.  We talk of new diets; work out routines and things we wish to accomplish in the new millennium.  One more thing to add to your list is getting your children to read more.  With a new President taking seat in the Oval Office and a difficult economy continuing to take precedence over our lives we must not lose touch with what’s important.

In the year 2009 we are faced with next to very little money being pushed into our schools.  We see non-performing schools being phased out, some new schools phasing in with some of the same issues as the schools they are replacing.  We see very little of our teens attaining a higher level of learning, some not completing high school.  There are consistent reading issues with the youth of today, which can follow into adulthood; so as parents we need to continue the education of our children at home.  A big part of this would be reading; we need to encourage our children to read more.  We have to ask ourselves a few questions.  How often do I read to my child?  How often do I encourage my child to read on their own?  What was the last book my child read?  How much money do I spend on average in clothes compared to education?

We have to pick up the slack of the educational system; and ensure that our children are getting the education they need to ensure their success.  As parents we need to make our mark; we do not hesitate to spend the necessary money to clothes our children, we should not hesitate to spend money to educate them…  We often spend an exorbant amount of money to make them look good, so what would $20 do for their education.  The average cost of a few books is $20; imagine the change you can make with just $100?  As parents; we cannot put a dollar value on education, we are already face with this from our government leaders.  Help your children make their mark, by finding ways to help them become better leaders and adults.  Our children are our future yet we do not invest in them as we should.

I’ve heard and read the statement that minorities do not read, and it is believed by many that is the reason why we do not often see bookstores in poor or minority neighborhoods.  We do not often support the things that are good for us as a community.  This is not a statement that I want to reflect me or my son.  I encourage him to read and share the reading experience with him.  I sometimes read a book and then pass it to him to read.  In doing this; we can then discuss the book together and share our ideas on the book.  This brings us together and makes him see how much I truly value reading.  Reading is key; we use it every day and every minute of our lives.  We have to read our way through life, we cannot accomplish much without reading yet some of us do not value this necessary tool.  Everything begins at home; things that we as parents pay attention to our children will pay attention to.  If we continuously stress from a young age reading and education, it will continue with them throughout school into adulthood.

Television has becomed more and more important than books.  We see magazines and newspapers selling less because people are watching more television or listening to music on I-Pods or MP3 players.  We tell our children to watch television when we don’t have time to talk to them, rather than give them a book to read which we can discuss later with them.  Our brains are becoming extinct and this cannot lead to anything good in the future.  What will be our role then?  Will our children be able to cope?  We are creating a generation of non-readers and we will certainly see the results of this in the next generation.

My New Year’s resolution is to continue sending the message of education and reading.  Noah’s Ark Bookstore will continue to be an integral part of the education of our youths.  We will continue to bring you good books that will entice the mind and send your children on new adventures as well as books that address the many social issues facing our children.

Reading leads to adventures and entices you to Places that only you can imagine!

Have you ever been part of a book club?  Seven people can read the same book and each one can have a different outlook.  Encourage your children to join our book club and be a part of our online forum.

One book, one hour a day can be the beginning, and can take your child to new worlds while impacting their life.  Let the New Year be for our children!

Noah’s Ark Bookstore wishes you Happy New Year and Happy Reading for 2009.

A Holiday Message

The Holidays is a time for family gatherings full of eating, gift giving, and showering your family with love.  Different cultures celebrate the holidays in many different ways.  Although we celebrate differently it has the same meaning for each of us.  Unconditional Love. 

Through the holidays we often times forget the reason we are truly celebrating this time with our families.  For some of us; this is the only time we get to see distant family members, or get to sit down with loved ones and enjoy a full gathering.  Oftentimes, we focus on the gift giving and spending an excessive amount of money to show our love.  We lose the true meaning of the holidays and burden ourselves with the financial overload in order to send our message.  Is it how much we spend?  What we buy? The look on our loved ones faces?  Or the message we send? 

One message should be clear and it is how much we love the people in our lives.  In this difficult economic time of 2008 everyone is spending less money to get their message across.  Should a troubled economy be the reason that we take a look at the monetary value we place on the Holidays?  Unfortunately, this is the case!  We need to step back and take a look at what we are teaching our children about celebrating the holidays.  During this time we need to stress to our children that this is a time of giving and celebrating love.  Do not make the holidays just about receiving what they have on their long list.  But in fact make it a celebration of life and love.  We celebrate the life we are capable of living, and we celebrate the love of people in our lives.  Remind them that they are blessed because so many others are not as blessed.  Some children are lucky to get a gift or enjoy the holidays with loved ones.  Encourage them to look outside their own world and see the meaning of the holidays.  Many organizations ask for donations during the holiday season “Toys for Tots, Salvation Army” just to name a few, make it a family project to give to one of these organizations.  This lesson will be a lifelong lesson and follow them when they have their own families.

One way to make the holidays more memorable and have more meaning than monetary value is to make homemade gifts and cards.  Many craft stores sell items to help the creativity come out for the holidays.  You can make bath salts, candles, one of a kind tree ornaments, and gift baskets with assorted homemade items.  The choices are endless and the memories long, this will give them pride in giving their gifts because they know they made it.  To make the holidays special I often make cookies with my son.  He gives the cookies to friends in school and teachers; this is something that he looks forward to every holiday.  This is our time to enjoy each other’s company, and have fun in this process with the rolling and decorating.  We also spend a lot of time decorating our tree together.  We like to remember how we received some of our ornaments, because we have a few that are homemade.  We have hot chocolate and listen to Christmas music after the decorations are done, and talk about our family and what is important to us.  These are things that are most memorable to us and carry over even once the excitement of the holidays are done and gone.

In the end we want our holiday with our families to be as joyous and memorable as we can make it.  Why not make it more memorable by giving the same gifts of creating happy memories to others during the holiday.  Teach our children the true meaning of the holidays and not the mass media version of Christmas.  It is not what we give them or how much we spend that makes the holidays; it is the love we spread to those around us - strangers, friends and family. 

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanzaa - give back this season.  Involve your children in the gift of giving to others less fortunate, and teach them a valuable lifelong lesson they can teach their kids.

Happy Holidays from the Noah’s Ark Bookstore family and we wish you all the best for the New Year!

Helping our Children Face Their Sexual Identity

Growing up is demanding and challenging for every adolescent, but one of the biggest issues faced is understanding their sexual identity.

Whether it is dealing with cultural, sexual, personal or gender identity it is difficult for most teens to face this alone.  Today’s teen are faced with two major identities, they face sexual and gender with equal uncertainty.

Children explore and experiment sexually as they grow up, this is a part of normal development.  Questions about sex are natural; everyone questions their sexuality which is an integral part of us, which correlates with personal identity.  Sexual identity has to do with one’s thoughts, feelings, and relationships.  Sexual Identity gives us the experience of being male or female, and also reflects attraction between the same, opposite or both sexes. 

What is our role as parents?  We are the first line of education our children have.   Our children are learning about sexual identity as they grow up.  In the early stages we teach them about love and touching.  Toddlers learn as they interact with us; we teach them about their bodies and show them affection by playing, dressing and talking to them.  As adolescents they learn from relationship with family, friends and society, taking the information provided to them to mold their sexuality.  As parents we need to have an open door policy.  Parents can create an open comfortable atmosphere for their adolescents, which foster easy communication about issues facing adolescents.  Children need input and guidance from parents to help them make healthy and appropriate decisions about sexual behavior.  Today children are faced with an overflow of information from various media including the internet.  More often than not, the information is sketchy, inaccurate, and or inappropriate.

As parents we should not leave the education of our children to the mass media, friends, or even other relatives.  Parents should be the primary sexual educator of their children.  One thing to do is to answer all questions honestly and thoroughly (albeit age appropriately), and do not leave room for doubt or miscommunication.   Children need to understand that their thoughts concerning sex are normal. They should not feel embarrassed or shy to come and discuss their feelings with their parents.  We have to put aside our own feeling of discomfort.  Remembering we were once in the same position they’re in and many of us never received the information we needed.  Not having our children growing up with about sexuality is key.  Children learn at an early age and sex is no exception; they learn from the media, school, and friends.  They often have questions concerning things they hear or see, they need an outlet for their questions and thoughts - and it should be at home. 

As the parent of a 12 year old intuitive young man, I have been the subject of many questions from him.  His questions are concise, open, honest, and very thorough.  Often he has confided in me that he had the question days before he asked me, but waited for the right time to ask me.  His questions are sometimes so to the point that I feel anxious as soon as he asks me them.  I often have to push aside my feelings and answer his questions as thoroughly as he asked it.  We take our time talking and going over the questions and answers; I make sure not to end the discussion until he signals he is comfortable with the answers.  Sometimes I initiate our discussions when he and I are together; I use down time to talk and find out what is on his mind. “You will not know what they are thinking and feeling until you ask them”.  During our discussions I find he has a wealth of questions and information, wading through all the information is often overwhelming for us both.  Sometimes our discussions are initiated from a TV show, a statement from a friend, something he saw, or even his own common sense questions.  Whatever the way; I make sure to tell him honestly my answer then I take the time to tell him my feelings.  Letting your children know about your feeling and values, will go a long way in their education and help them formulate their own feelings and values guided by yours.

For some parent we can be talking about your child’s homosexuality.  Many gay and lesbian individuals; first become aware of and experience their homosexual thoughts and feelings during childhood and adolescence.  Their aspects of development are the same as heterosexual children.  They struggle with same issues of acceptance, stress, peer pressure, discrimination, and rejection.  Gay and lesbian teens can become isolated, because of their fear of rejection.  In today’s society we have more information and doors have opened up to a wealth of knowledge for those interested in learning more.

Is homosexuality a mental disease?  Homosexuality is persistent sexual and emotional attraction to someone of the same sex.  Parents must understand the nature of homosexuality, it is good for them to go out and seek support and information.  But just as you as a parent needs emotional support, so does your teen.  Acceptance is not always the answer; understanding is sometimes the key to getting to the acceptance phase.  Counseling may be helpful to both the teen and parent, opening up and clarifying their feelings will help with the adjustment.  Counseling must however be open; it should be used to assist the teen not try to change the homosexual behavior.  This is a delicate time for the teen and the family, but it must be met with love, honesty, understanding.  Each person must be able to openly tell each other how they are feeling, without facing persecution.

What we as parents; must face is that whether we are talking about heterosexuality or homosexuality, they have to be loving, open, and willing to accept and understand our children.  Our children fight for acceptance from peers and society, they do not need to fight for acceptance from parents and family.  It is from their parents that they will learn the ultimate acceptance and love, this gift we give them is what they will need to face all others head on. 

Here are a few tips to follow

ü  keep an open heart and mind

ü  listen thoroughly before communicating

ü  open, and honest communication

ü  answer questions honestly and frankly

ü  be encouraging and patient

ü  be true to your own feelings

ü  educate yourself on development/teen issues - there are books available on different subjects

ü  open discussions yourself - don’t leave it to them to start discussions

ü  don’t be afraid to give the information - they need the truth from you

ü  respect your child’s feelings and privacy

ü  communicate your thoughts and values

ü  communicate appropriate and responsible behavior

ü  teach them everything –don’t hold back there are too many things that can affect them negatively

ü  do not be afraid to seek outside help

You can read many things online, in books, magazines, but nothing beat professional help when facing some difficult challenges.

The Correlation between Bullies and Self Worth

Have your child ever had to confront a bully?

What do you do when your child is bullied?

Do you become a pampering parent or the angry one who is ready to fight the world?

The choice between pampering and fighting may be a difficult one, but there may be a third choice.  The third choice is to let your children fight their own battles.  Encouraging your children to figure it out and fight their own battles can be challenging  for them.  This may mean speaking to an adult at the onset of bullying.  It may be dangerous to encourage your children to engage in physical fights and this normally does more to escalate the situation rather than solve the problem.

There are always bullies who pick on others.  They do so for many reasons, sometimes to be popular with their peers and prove they are not weak.  Your child may be small, short, quiet, or physically or mentally challenged.  Whatever the reason, it makes them an easy target.  Bullies usually choose targets that are smaller or weaker than them.  They never look for a fair fight – that’s why they are bullies.

Often bullies are dealing with their own issues of acceptance and belonging; they are often looking to fit in with the popular crowd.  They want to feel more important and be seen as being tough and strong.  Bullies sometimes come from broken homes where they are abused or taken for granted.  They can come from a home where shouting and constant fighting is a way of life, and they reflect that in their behavior.  Children exhibit what they see, and continue that behavior as they grow up.  Some have even been bullied themselves and mimic the behavior.

Bullying affects many children; 75% of children have been bullied in some form or another.  Bullying can make children feel embarrassed, hurt, and lonely and give way to self doubt or low self esteem.   If it is happening in school, bullying can make the school a place to fear.  This leads to children not wanting to go to school and a lack of motivation for learning.

Teaching your children to stand up to bullying means teaching them to be comfortable with themselves and to have a high self-esteem.  Having a high self-esteem is not bragging about your goals or accomplishments, but rather the belief in their abilities and the strength to accomplish great success and become good examples to their peers.  Loving your children unconditionally, always being available to listen to them will help them recognize their self worth and self-respect.  Encouraging your children to believe in their dreams and respecting themselves and others is a priceless gift.  Knowing and believing in yourself gives you power over fear.  Having strong and good self esteem will help them make better choices.  They will not be affected by peer pressure; they will focus on achieving success and on becoming good citizens willing and ready to achieve greatness.

Recently my 12 year old came across his first bully.  He was used to being teased or questioned because of his disability but he had learned to ignore the ignorance and meanness of those around him.  This bully was not easy to ignore.  From the first day he met my son it was one mean word after the other.  He was called “cripple” and “told about his mother”; it was a constant barrage of unkind words from the minute he got on the bus until he left.  My son ignored it for the first two days only briefly discussing the incident with me and brushed it off when I questioned him further.  He insisted that he was ignoring the bully and that words did not hurt him.  By the fourth day the situation turned; my son came home visibly upset by each encounter and was starting to answer the boy.  My husband and I encouraged him to continue being the bigger person, we reminded him how special and secure he was.  My son insisted he was able to stand up for himself and he wanted to let the boy know he was not a “punk”.

His father and I did not wish for him to involve himself in a fight since we were concerned for his safety.  We explained that fighting, cursing, or inappropriate behaviors do not solve problems and may make situations worse.  However, we understood his need to be independent and to stand up for himself and demand respect.  He is becoming a young man and is showing that he understands his self worth and we did not want to take that from him.  I told him although I did not agree with fighting I would respect whatever his choice of defense was and but he was to accept the consequences.

On the day he was supposed to “fight” I am happy to say he chose the higher ground.  He told me that he listened to how we felt, and that he did not want us to be disappointed in him.  He thanked us for standing by him and whatever decision he made. Two days later; he came home to tell me that some other boy on the bus beat up the boy that was his bully.  He felt sad for the bully once he saw him crying, but told him “now he knew how he felt”.

In the end the bully’s power slipped away and my son emerged the victor, he gained his voice and stuck to the principles given to him by his parents.  He knows his self worth and understands his value and importance as an individual and as our son.  Do we encourage our children to fight? Ignore the Bully? Stand up for themselves?   We need to explain to our children what their choices are and how we feel about each choice.  In the end it is our guidance and teachings that will help them make good decisions as they grow, but it will always be how they love and accept themselves that will be the deciding factor.